Birthday Present

You'll never guess what I got myself for my birthday this year....a big honkin' zit! That's right, a zit. It's more than just a pimple and it is way too big to be called a blemish. "A third eye" is more like it. This one's been coming on for a few days, positioned very noticeably on the left side of my nose. I wish I had a picture to post.

It was one of those deep pimples that takes a few days to surface. I knew it was coming when the spot on my nose felt tender and sore to the touch. It was just a flat red spot then. Now it's a frickin' Vesuvius with a huge white head capping the top. Lovely.

I'm expecting an eruption later today, probably during class. My students will be sitting there listening, then suddenly everyone will tune out what I'm saying and they won't be able to stop staring at my nose. Then, in that embarrassing, Rudolph moment, I'll think to myself: "Happy Birthday, Scottydude!"

Has Anybody Here Seen My Old Friend Lousy?

If so, please tell him to come home! I haven't seen Lousy in at least three days. He often stays out all day and all night, but he usually comes home at least once a day to eat, drink water, and get a few rubs before heading back out into the wild.

He's an adventurous lad and prone to getting into trouble. Last week he came home all messed up with some weird gunk on his head and parts of his body. He was so sick that he stayed home and slept for three days straight. The left side of his face was quite swollen. Then he wandered out one afternoon for a short while but came back in to spend the night. The gunk on his head turned out to be some sort of puss coming from a wound on his forehead. It started to erupt one evening and I had to wipe it off. The next day that spot was scabby and the hair was matted down. But I knew he was feeling better because he had more energy and he wanted to go outside again. I haven't seen him since.

Ironically, I recently learned a Japanese fairy tale from one of my students about a cat who is very happy with his owner and when he gets old and sick, he comes to his owner to say goodbye then goes off alone to die.

Too Many Movies

There's too many damn movies this year! Every year the studios save their best and brightest films, meaning those that might earn Oscar nominations, for the holiday season in the hopes that these films will stay in Academy members' minds come ballot time.

Two more factors are affecting the glut of Oscar hopefuls in theaters now. First, the Oscars ceremony is being moved up a month earlier next year, which means there is less time for voters to see the films; and secondly (perhaps more significantly), the MPAA has announced that studios will not distribute screener copies of films to critics and award ceremony groups (outside of the Academy) because of piracy concerns.

This deeply affects smaller films that depend greatly on screeners to get their films seen. Some studios have re-released their trophy films into theaters and set up special screenings for award voters who would typically watch the movie in the comfort of their own homes.

I can only hope this means we have an overabundance of good movies out there because there are dozens of "important" films showing right now, and several of the big Christmas releases haven't even opened yet. What's impressive is the wide variety of films in each genre and budget class. There are major studio blockbusters alongside family comedies, human dramas, independent features, documentaries, foreign films, and so on.

I must say this year has been great for little films. Adult audiences seem to have grown weary of the teenage boy shoot-'em-ups that have dominated the multiplexes the past few years. We still have the Matrixes and the Lords of the Rings, but those films seem to have lost a little of their luster in the mass market. The biz seems to be moving toward niche marketing, an attempt to reach every demographic group concurrently.

It's great for people like me who love movies but get sick of all the Spiderman knock-offs. Personally, I found the first Lord of the Rings film to be painfully boring and tedious. How many creepy crawly ghouls can one person handle in a single sitting?! No thanks. I skipped LOTR 2 and have no plans to see the third installment. Same with The Matrix. I LOVED the first one for its unique action and deeply philosophical storyline. It was a great mind-body combination. However, the creators apparently believed their own hype and the series has turned into every CGI soap opera out there since Star Wars Episode I. The second Matrix was passable but uninspiring; the third one looks so disappointing that I haven't bothered.

That's not to say I'm against epic blockbusters, not at all. But nowadays I'm more interested in human stories, not cartoons, and if a human story can be told on a grand scale, a la Master and Commander or The Last Samurai (two movies on my list that I haven't seen), then I'm all for it.

The question now is one of time. What working adult could possibly spare the time, not to mention the expense, to see all or even some of the films out right now, especially during the mad Christmas shopping season? It's infuriating!

Note to Hollywood: There's too many damn movies!!

Ol' Blue Eyes

December the 12th is the birthday of Francis Albert Sinatra, the Chairman of the Board!! Sleep warm, Frank, wherever you are.....

....Dec 12 is also my Uncle Gene's birthday....Happy Birthday, Uncle!!

Aunt Martha

My dear Aunt Martha passed peacefully from this world early this morning. She had been battling ovarian cancer since 1999. My mother was by her side as she went.

Aunt Martha was the matriarch of my mother's family. A former special education teacher, Martha Barrett went on to become the president of the Texas State Teacher's Union. She spent her life advocating fair treatment and proper working conditions for public school teachers. She was known for her strength and leadership and she never liked to waste time. In fact, it was only two days ago that the doctors told her there was nothing more they could do to treat her cancer. I can just hear her saying, "Well, if I'm gonna die, let's get goin'!"

Aunt Martha is survived by her grown daughter and son, three grandchildren, three younger sisters, and her father. She was 61 years old.

Two Years

It's been almost two years since I left my wife and an unhappy marriage in San Diego. I remember the moment I realized it was really over. It was just about two years ago, just before Christmas 2001.

We were living in Oceanside, California where I was the Center Director for a little English school based at a community college. It was a cute little campus on a hill overlooking the mighty Pacific. I loved going there everyday. The views were nothing less than spectacular.

It was a fresh start for Atsue and I with a new job in a new town. I was trying to be a part of the campus community as much as possible and for fun I joined the music department's chamber chorale. It was great fun to sing during my lunch hour a couple times a week. I was at least ten years older than any of the other singers so they looked up to me as something of an elder statesman.

Atsue was very reluctant to support my interest in singing (or anything else, for that matter) and the few times she did come to hear me sing, she did so begrudgingly. We'd had our problems for a long time, almost since the very beginning of our marriage, but I never wanted to give up. I always put a happy face on things and tried harder to please her, hoping that someday she would come around.

School was about to finish for the Christmas holidays. We had our final Christmas concert on campus, which was a beautiful dressy affair set in the dining room with a stage at one end. We also had dessert and coffee for the audience, who sat at tables which the choir had decorated. We spent the whole afternoon before the show dressing up the place with decorations and poinsettias. It was lovely. Atsue refused to come.

A few days later, she dealt me another disappointment by refusing to attend my school's holiday party. I had planned for weeks to make it a special occasion for our students and teachers. Our school was struggling terribly after 9/11 and I was doing anything possible to keep students happy and enrolled. I also knew I would have to lay off a few of my dear teachers after the end of the term so this was something of a farewell party as well.

I had organized the party as a pot-luck dinner in a banquet hall on campus and all of the host families were invited to attend. There was plenty of music, food, and fun. I had prepared my family's beloved broccoli-cheese casserole, which I make every Thanksgiving to much fanfare. However, since I knew I would be at school all day, I left the casserole in the oven ready to heat so that I could swing back home and pick up the hot dish and be back in time for the party. Our apartment was only 7 minutes away from school.

Preparations for the party kept me busy all day and I realized I wouldn't be able to go home in time to bring back the casserole. I called my wife and asked her to heat the casserole and bring it to the party. She balked. After much pleading and cajoling, she finally (angrily) agreed. However, she didn't want to have any contact with the students for some reason. It was weird. She had been in social situations with the students before and since most of them were Japanese, they got along fine. At least it seemed that way. I had encouraged her to make friends with them if possible since she had almost no social life to speak of and I thought having some Japanese camaraderie would be welcome to her. I was wrong.

The party had started and I had been waiting and waiting for her to show up with the casserole. I never saw her. Finally, I snuck out to call home and she was there. She had brought the casserole to school, but instead of bringing to the party, she left it to get cold in my office! After secretly dropping off the casserole where no one would know to find it, she hurried back home to avoid being seen. I was livid!

I went back to the party and entertained the guests, then stayed to clean up afterwards. It had been a very pleasant evening. Many host families came with their kids, and our students had a lot of fun as well.

When I got home, I was very upset with my wife for her childish and inconsiderate behavior and I proceeded to tell her so. She would have none of that, however, and she erupted into a furious and scathing tirade against me and my petty attempts to build a future for us and my pathetic ambitions to be a teacher and school director. She had attacked me many times before, but this was the most poisonous and malicious outburst ever. She was saying anything she could, no matter how outrageous or untrue, just to hurt me.

Certainly I was hurt, but more than anything I was stunned. I couldn't understand where her venom and animosity toward me was coming from. She offered no explanation. This was one of the few times that I had attempted to express my anger and displeasure to her, but she wouldn't allow that and instead exploded with anger at me.

It was at this moment that I had the unexpected sensation of becoming detached from my environment. Suddenly, I was standing outside myself and her slings and arrows had no effect on me. It was as if I were in a bubble that her assaults couldn't penetrate. I sat on the floor against the wall (we had no furniture) and just stared at her as she stood over me, furiously pacing and berating me. I looked deeply into her eyes -- no, into her soul -- and I saw very clearly that this was a person who had no love for me, who had no interest in knowing me or in supporting who I was as a human being. Not only was she uninterested in loving me, she was incapable of loving me, or perhaps anyone.

After three torturous years of living with a tyranical woman and doing everything I could to make the marriage work, I finally realized that it would never ever get any better. It was over. I knew in that moment that I had to get out of the relationship and when I surrendered to that realization, I felt an odd sense of peace. It wasn't a contented sort of peace, but it was the kind of peace you feel when you see the path before you and you know very clearly what you have to do to move down it.

The next few weeks were awkward and uncomfortable. Atsue had planned a trip to Japan for New Year's to visit her family. She would be gone for almost a month, returning in late January. Before that, though, there was Christmas with my family in Colorado. I had told them before we came that my marriage would be ending soon. I told Atsue too on our long drive to Denver, but she didn't really believe me. My darling family were just as warm and gracious as ever. We had a quiet Christmas, then I put her on the plan to Japan.

On the drive back to California, I was alone with my thoughts since Atsue had flown to Tokyo from Denver. Out on the road, in the empty wastelands of the American west, there's plenty of time to examine your life and think things through. I decided I was terribly unhappy with my job and with my living situation and I was resolved to change it immediately.

By the time I got back to Oceanside, I had already decided to quit my job and go back to school. When I got home, there was a notice on our door from the manager saying our rent would be increasing. Our six-month lease had expired and this shitty apartment with inconsistent hot water, bad plumbing, and noisy kids running around constantly was now going to cost over a thousand dollars a month. That was the last sign I needed. It was time to get out of Dodge.

The next day, I turned in my resignation letter to my boss and gave notice to the landlord that we would not renew our lease. When Atsue returned, she begged me to give her one more chance. She promised me that she would quit school and get a job to support me so I could go back to school. We found a delightful little apartment in a wonderful section of San Diego. I really liked being in SD and I was willing (but not optimistic) to give it one more try in yet another new setting.

Unsurprisingly, things broke down within a couple of weeks and I left. She didn't let me go easily, though. There was much screaming, crying, begging, pleading, and finally, clinging and dragging as she physically held on to me as I tried to walk out and she ended up chasing me to the parking lot and flinging herself against the car as I tried to drive away. That was a horrible, insane experience. It was like something out of a bad melodrama. I cried the entire way back to Los Angeles. I knew I could never go back.

It was so hard to end that relationship, the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. But I feel much stronger because of it. I don't ever want to go through that trauma again, but I know I could if I had to. It's been almost a year since the divorce was finalized and about a year and a half since I last saw her or had any contact with her. I have no idea where she is or what she's doing. And honestly, I don't much care.

Life is not any easier now than it was then, but at least I'm myself again. I feel so much happier and healthier, and stronger. Most importantly, I'm able to spend time with my friends, who really made my recovery possible. I don't know what I would do without them.

I've had a couple of short-term girlfriends since the end of my marriage. Nothing serious, but it has been fun. Will I ever marry again? Possibly, but I'm not in any hurry. I'm not really interested in dating even. I don't have to be in a relationship to feel good about myself. And I don't feel like compromising my identity in order to please someone else or to earn their approval. As conceited as it sounds, I'm contented to be single and to have my little social life and to enjoy being ME. Like Mr. Rogers always said, "I like you just the way you are!"

Beauty Over Bucks

So Melana chose her Average Joe in tonight's series finale. I kind of had a clue during her last interview with the host, Kathy Griffin (whom I love by the way), when she said she picked "a diamond in the rough." The beautiful model guy she picked is a young waiter/student, while the average looking other guy is a rich Wall Street tycoon.

Still, when she first started talking to Jason and she looked very serious, I thought, just as he did, that he was about to get the brush off. But she surprised both of us with her choice. And who can blame her? He's gorgeous! And I loved their comments afterward, like "I'm looking forward to getting to know her more deeply this weekend," meaning "I can't wait to bang her!!" :-)

Poor rich Adam. Who knew he was a millionaire the whole time?! He was a nice guy, but kind of a goof ball. I bet he's fun to hang out with, but he didn't seem to have much sexual chemistry with her like she obviously had with Jason. She and Jason seemed ready to hump each other the moment they first met.

Adam was a real class act, I thought, and a good sport about the whole thing. He was obviously disappointed, but he was a gentleman about it. And no doubt he'll get plenty of offers from young female viewers of the show. He's rich; he can buy a new girlfriend.

I must say that I found Melana (the unsuspecting cheerleader searching for her Prince Charming) to be extremely pretentious. I mean, how couldn't they all be a little pretentious knowing that the camera was always watching, but she seemed especially phony as the weeks went on. How pathetic do you have to be to go on a TV show just to get a date? There's no promise that they'll stay together after the show -- naturally she picked the hot guy she wanted to screw more than the dorky guy.

Of course there will be Average Joe 2 coming in January! A new batch of dorks and a new superficial supermodel: what could be better? The previews of the new series reminded me of what I loved about the beginning weeks of Average Joe 1: the hysterically dorky nerds and dweebs that got picked for this show! They're endearingly pathetic. It's so funny when they look at the hot girl and instantly fall deeply in love with her. It's like "Revenge of the Nerds" all over again...Can't wait!

The Doctor

There's another significant (to some) anniversary this weekend. Today, Sunday November 23rd, marks the 40th anniversary of the premiere of Doctor Who on BBC television.

While this may not be big news to most people, it is special to me since this was my favorite childhood TV program. I was a devoted fan of the show for several years. Tom Baker was my favorite Doctor, followed by Jon Pertwee (who preceded Baker), and Peter Davison (whom I also loved on All Creatures Great and Small), the fifth actor to play the Doctor. By the time programs from the earlier two Doctors and the last two Doctors aired on American television, I had kind of outgrown the program, so I didn't get into them as much.

Although production of the TV program ended years ago (it became too expensive), the characters surprisingly live on amongst a hardcore cult of fans around the world. There are books, radio programs, CDs, even an online animated version that continue the adventures of the Doctor and his companions. There's still an annual Doctor Who fan club gathering here in LA that lasts a whole weekend every February. I've been meaning for years to attend, but never quite seem to make it. Maybe next year??

What I loved about Doctor Who, besides the time-traveling science fiction setting of the show, was that his character loved to travel, he had a tremendous thirst for knowledge, he stood up for justice and equality for everyone, and he was extremely open-minded and non-judgmental. It didn't hurt that he had a bevy of beautiful babes accompanying him in his spacecraft!!

To celebrate, I might dig through my video tapes and see if I've a few old episodes to throw on the VCR. A nice cup of tea and few jellybabies would fill the bill....

JFK

Yesterday marked the 40th anniversary of the Kennedy assassination in Dallas, Texas. There was a fair amount of coverage in the media to mark the anniversary, but I actually felt underwhelmed by the amount of coverage I saw. Maybe it's because I don't have cable so I wasn't aware of myriad programs on the various channels or maybe Michael Jackson's arrest trumped old news like Kennedy. After all, Kennedy has been dead almost as long as he was alive! Still he casts a long shadow on American politics and culture.

The one TV program I did see was Peter Jenning's ABC special, The Kennedy Assassination: Beyond Conspiracy. I found it to be very interesting and compelling support of the lone gunman theory. They showed a lot of evidence about Oswald's personal history, and Ruby's as well, that I had never seen/heard before. They also spent an unexpected amount of time and attention debunking the myths and misinformation presented in Oliver Stone's "JFK."

It seems very likely that Oswald was just a mixed up young failure, desperate for attention, who finally snapped and found his 15 minutes of fame. Ironically, Jack Ruby went through almost the same process. I was surprised to see the similarities in the characters and personalities of the two men. Ruby also seemed to snap at the last minute and took the law, and history, into his own hands. The scene of Oswald's murder on live television in the basement of the Dallas police department is truly terrifying.

In fact, I never cease to feel chills whenever the topic of Kennedy's assassination comes up. The violent images of two real-life murders, the panic and chaos following the assassination, and the dark uncertainty of the motives for the crime and its perpetrators: it is one of the most frightening stories I've ever heard.

To me, what makes it different from 9/11 or other tragic pieces of history is the very intimate human aspect of the story. The situation involved basically three men, none of whom knew each other, each following their own motives and desires for power and attention of varying degrees. There is no mysterious, evil villain to hold responsible, a la Saddam Hussein or Osama Bin Laden. None of the characters are larger-than-life. These were men, each complex in his own way, and each pursuing his own ideas of justice and doing what he felt was the right thing.

I had never realized before seeing the program that the conspiracy theories became prevalent in American discussion so soon after the assassination occurred. I assumed that was a more recent development, which reached its peak in the Oliver Stone film. However, it's now obvious that the initial assumption by authorities and the pubic, and certainly by LBJ, was that of a conspiracy to assassinate the President, conducted either by Communist Russia, Castro's Cuba, the American mob, or, finally, by forces within the U.S. government itself.

Forty years after the events of November 1963, it seems highly unlikely that some piece of evidence or personal testimony proving the conspiracy wouldn't have surfaced by now. Secrets that big are just too hard to keep for that long. It reminds me of the theories of Elvis faking his death. Some stories are so upsetting that we create fantastic explanations to deal with a tragic loss. Like Peter Jennings articulated, we don't like to think that a single human individual is capable of committing such an evil act that would change the world so dramatically.

Fuck! I just wrote a blog entry and then tried to post it but the text simply disappeared....I guess it's gone. Damn Blogger! Oh well, I'll try to recreate some of it:

Jammin with Heidster

Heidster came down again tonight with her guitar. We've found a fun new thing to do on Friday nights. We usually meet for coffee or a movie. Now we've started our own band: Spackerson!

It's fun to practice with someone else, and Heidi's pretty good. She's learning fast and she has a great musical sense. We spent the first 30 minutes tuning (!) then we played for a couple of hours until our fingers just wouldn't take it anymore. Most of our songs were in the key of D major tonight. Now that I've shown her how to make a B7 chord, maybe we can try some songs in E major next week! :-)

Besides sore fingers, I'm also getting a sore throat this evening. It started shortly after dinner. There's been some crap going around school this month; hope I didn't catch it. Crap! And I've been washing my hands every ten minutes too....shit.

Good thing I went to the grocery store today. Got plenty of fruit and fruit juices. I've already started with the orange juice and it looks like I'll be sucking down the juice all day tomorrow if this sore throat doesn't clear up.
I'd better get to bed. I've got to be up in 9 hours to start my online teaching job. That'll be fun: all day on the computer with sore fingers and sore throat. Nice.

Night night, Bloggy.

Two Days

Just got back from a movie with Heidi. She got passes to a screening of a new film called Two Days which was showing at the AFI Film Festival at the Arclight Cinemas in Hollywood. I do love that theater! (See my review of Rebel Without A Cause from Nov 3rd for details.) The director was there to introduce the film and he and one of the lead actors answered a few questions after the screening.

Two Days is a quasi-mockumentary (is there such a thing?) about a 30-year-old frustrated actor in Hollywood (played by the truly wonderful Paul Rudd) who decides to commit suicide and make a documentary film about the event.

I really loved this movie. It's very funny, sweet, and surprisingly emotional. Paul Rudd is excellent in the lead role and the supporting cast are quite good as well.

Because this film deals with the Los Angeles film scene, it probably wouldn't be very appealing to a mainstream audience. Also the subject matter is quite dark and a few people walked out of the screening. Ironically, the people who left did so just as the main character suggests that anyone in a movie theater watching his story would probably be running for the aisles at this point because people don't like to think about dark subjects like this!

I won't reveal the ending, but it was quite suspenseful. If you like offbeat comedies and have any sort of appreciation for caricatures of Hollywood personalities, you would probably enjoy this film.

Fire and Ice....and Rain!

Lots of rain. Actually, I was spared most of this evening's downpour, but parts of Los Angeles were completely flooded out when over five inches of rain fell in less than two hours. Longtime residents agree today was the strangest weather day ever in Los Angeles.

I left UCLA around 4:45 this afternoon and saw the clouds gathering strength. It had showered earlier in the afternoon, but the rain had dissipated on the west side. As I drove east towards Hollywood, the sky became darker and darker. It was unbelievably dark! I've never seen a more ominous looking sky here in Southern California.

But the most spectacular and bizarre sight was the unbelievable (and unprecedented) lightning storm coming over the Hollywood Hills! I have lived in SoCal for seven years and I have witnessed lightning a total of three times. By that, I mean three strikes, not three storms! Well, this evening we had over 100 lightning strikes in the LA metropolitan area!

It was so fun and exciting, mostly because I wasn't in the worst of it. Traffic was already piling up the closer I got to home, but I was able to take some alternate routes and get home safely. There was just a light rainfall when I arrived home. I turned on the TV and all the news stations had wall-to-wall coverage of the storm. South LA was getting hit the worst -- they got pounded with rain and lightning (which caused several blackouts), and -- it gets weirder -- hail!!!

It has NEVER hailed like this in Los Angeles. The hail was so deep on the streets, it looked like snow! The pictures were just amazing. I couldn't believe what I was seeing on the TV. This extreme weather happens sometimes in Colorado, sure, but never in California. The TV news people were just as stunned as I was. I've never seen reporters so incredulous over what they were reporting.

The worst part of the whole story was that the storm hit its peak right at the evening rush hour. So traffic was backed up on the freeways and the side streets for miles. In fact some roads were closed due to flooding. Hundreds, maybe thousands, of cars were stranded in the flooded streets, and people stuck on the freeways were at a standstill for hours.

Adding to the headache were the power outages caused by lightning strikes on some transformers (we saw the flashes and explosions live on TV) which pitched some neighborhoods into darkness and knocked out traffic signals all over the place.

The good news is for the ski resorts: they already have more snow now than they normally do at Christmas time! The bad news is that some areas affected by the recent wildfires could experience mudslides due to the heavy downpours.

Tonight on the late news, the rain had stopped, the waters were receding, but the reporters on scene were standing in almost a foot of pea-sized hail stones! Kids in the neighborhood parks were running and playing outside like it was snow. They showed one guy making snow angels. :o)

What a nightmare today! I loved it!!

Reading and the Average Joe

Been reading more recently. Feels great. Still enjoying the hell out of Dracula, and I've finally started Randy's latest script (Elvis in Alaska). I'm about thirty pages in and it's just amazing. My friend's a fucking genius.

I read today in a magazine and heard again on television that advertisers and network execs are panicking because young men (the most coveted demographic) have basically stopped watching TV. No wonder why: there's absolute crap on TV these days -- and that's an insult to crap!

Actually, one show that does tickle me a little is NBC's newest "reality" dating show, Average Joe. A fabulous blonde has to decide her true love from a motley assortment of nerds, geeks, and fat guys....each with a heart of gold! :-)

Unfortunately, the blonde bimbo cut the most popular player, Dennis, last night, so there's little reason left to watch. It was such a let-down when he was cut, not just for the viewing audience but for the other guys playing on the program as well. Dennis was like the team mascot. He was everybody's favorite and some of the guys were actually weeping as Dennis gave his hugs goodbye. It was quite extraordinary.

Some of the quotes from competitors were comments like, "He's the kindest human being I've ever known" and "Dennis made me a better man." Incredible! If all the other guys agree this was the best man on the show, then why the fuck should anyone tune in next week?!

Ah well, back to my reading....

Alien

Went to see Ridley Scott's Alien last night in Westwood. It's a newly restored "Director's Cut" and the theater featured Digital Projection. DP is awesome, although I don't think it was especially necessary in this case since Alien was shot on film. It did look gorgeous though on the big screen.

I hadn't seen the film in a theater since it first came out in 1979 (is it that old?!) and I hadn't even seen it on video in at least 15 years. I was surprised, however, at how much of the dialogue and even the shots and sound effects that I remembered. I guess I must have watched it a lot when I was younger. It was fun to see it again.

The movie wasn't really scary to me because I knew exactly when the "boo" moments were coming, but I was impressed by the filmmaker's ability to create the suspense and "horror" without nearly as much gore and violence as we see in films today. In fact, the only really bloody scene is early on when Kane (the great John Hurt) starts choking at the dinner table and the alien pops out of his chest. That scene was really horrific. Otherwise, we never really see the alien killing anyone.

What an exciting sense of wonder and mystery this film has! It's been copied so many times that it seems old hat nowadays, but to relive it as audiences did almost 25 years ago, I was struck by its freshness and originality. Certainly it follows a tradition of monster movies and suspense thrillers, but the ingenuity of an alien lifeform that infects its host with its offspring, keeps the host alive until the offspring germinate, and the offspring "hatch" out the host's chest -- it's never been matched!

Ridley Scott is the best director for creating "a world" in which the characters live (he did this so well in Blade Runner). The production design, set dressing, and sound effects are truly outstanding. The special effects are somewhat dated (no computer animation back then, folks) but they are earnest and they seem more realistic than computer effects, which always look phony to me.

Best of all were the actors, some of the best in the business: Tom Skerritt (would you believe he just turned 70!), Sigourney Weaver, Yaphet Kotto, John Hurt (my favorite), Ian Holm (my second favorite), Harry Dean Stanton (my third fav-, ah forget it), and Veronica Cartwright. They were so real and genuine in their performances. I never saw any "sci-fi acting" on screen. Everybody played it totally straight and it worked. I had forgotten how much the characters hate each other -- they argue and fight all the time, just like children. It was funny.

Anyway, if you have the chance to see the new Alien, do it. You won't regret it. If you can't see the new one, watch the old one again. It's a good film.

By the way, the "director's cut" only includes a few seconds of extra footage when Ripley finds the remains of Dallas and Brett in the Alien's lair before the ship self-destructs. [I remember a comic book version of the film I had as a kid and it included this scene but I never saw it in the film. It must have been cut after a late preview screening or something and the comic book tie-in had already been finished.]

The sound has been remastered into 6.1 Digital surround, and I read in an interview with Ridley Scott that he also trimmed some of the longer expositional shots that he felt were a little too slow. So the pace of the film is a bit faster than the original. It would be fun to compare both versions.

The Hookup

Strange and funny event this morning. I'm at my local laundrymat doing you know what, when I see a guy with a video camera shooting a couple other guys by the dryers. Actually they were shooting right in front on the dryer with my clothes in it and since my clothes were about finished, I made my way over there.

I couldn't figure out at first what they were shooting. In all, there was a cameraman and another producer/director type giving instructions, and two other guys who I thought were actors, and then one very good-looking guy who turned out to be the host of this reality program.

I was only a few feet away so I listened in on their dialogue. Camera rolls and blonde guy standing near dryer opens the door as if to take out his clothes. Enter host and little Latino guy from outside. Host calls blonde guy's name and introduces him to Latino guy. They shake hands and smile warmly at each other. A few seconds of chit-chat, then host says, "Alright you guys, we're going send you off to a great dinner, on us, and we'll see what happens" Host then looks into camera and says, "Looks like we made another hookup!" and walks off.

The cameraman cuts, and they set up to shoot it again. By this time my clothes are done and I want to get them out before they start to wrinkle. Also I'm on a tight schedule before work. Before the next take, I step in and start to take my clothes out. The blonde guy, who looks vaguely familiar, gives me a warm smile and a wink and says, "Let this guy get his nice things out before they wrinkle." I push my loaded cart out of the shot and they go again.

Again: Camera rolls and blonde guy standing near dryer opens the door as if to take out his clothes. Enter host and little Latino guy from outside. Host calls blonde guy's name and introduces him to Latino guy. They shake hands and smile warmly at each other. A few seconds of chit-chat, then host says, "Alright you guys, we're going send you off to a great dinner, on us, and we'll see what happens" Host then looks into camera and says, "Looks like we made another hookup!" and walks off.

Suddenly, I figured out they were shooting what seems to be a gay dating show!! :-) It's something like Blind Date because the blonde guy doesn't know Latino guy, but Latino guy wants to meet blonde guy and Host is happy to oblige. I think the show may be called "Hookup" because the host was sure to use that expression every time after introducing the guys.

Funniest of all, they shot this 30-second sequence at least 15 times! The two "daters" seemed to be fine and having fun, but the host flubbed his lines several times and then the producer and cameraman argued back and forth (and with Host) about the dialogue in the scene and how it should be shorter and blah, blah, blah. It seriously took them many times shooting the scene before they were satisfied. Blonde guy would occasionally look over at me folding my laundry after a take and smile nervously with raised eyebrows as if to say "whew, showbiz is hard!" or something like that.

Some "reality" show, eh?! I don't even know if these guys were really gay or even on a real date. They seemed like actors to me. Not to mention that Blonde Guy seemed to be flirting with me a bit! (he was pretty cute) After the shoot, the producer/director guy held up his still camera and took some shots of blonde guy in front of the dryers. I don't know what that was for. And cameraman walked around the laundrymat shooting a few seconds of the dryers and washers spinning. I'm sure that's for cutaways or something.

Anyway, be looking for "The Hookup" or some similarly named gay dating show coming soon. You may see Scottydude's cameo -- in the background folding laundry! Check your local listings....

American Rebel

Had the great pleasure of seeing "Rebel Without a Cause" in Hollywood yesterday. Gosh, what a great film! And it really is a different experience seeing it on the big screen, as was originally intended.

I had seen "Rebel" theatrically before, years ago at the Denver Film Festival, but that was nothing compared to the THX majesty that is the Arlight Cinerama Dome. That is the nicest movie theater I've ever been too. It takes movie-watching to a whole new level of gourmet pleasure! The theater has two full bars and a restaurant inside, and all the theaters are equipped with state-of-the-art, THX-certified sound and projection equipment. I saw "Star Wars Episode II" in digital projection last year at the Arclight and it was spectacular. I hope to see the newly restored version of Ridley Scott's "Alien" in digital projection this week at the Arclight.

This screening of "Rebel" was introduced by Frank Mazzola, who played "Crunch" (one of the gang members) in the film. In this photo from the film, he's the guy dead center with black hair, white shirt and jeans (you can also see baby-faced Dennis Hopper on the upper-left side). Frank told some stories about meeting Jimmy and hanging out with him during shooting. Besides acting in the film, Frank also served as technical advisor since he was himself involved in the Los Angeles gang scene at the time and director Nicholas Ray wanted the film to be as realistic as possible.

The film is extremely psychological for its day. There are tons of parenting issues and husband/wife issues presented in the story. The kids have every material desire fulfilled by their parents, but there's no real emotional intimacy between parents and children. It seems frighteningly parallel to the lives of young people I see today. There is also much symbolism in the film, both intentional to the story and ironically mirroring James Dean's life and untimley death.

My favorite scene is the first planetarium scene at Griffith Observatory. Dean's character, Jim Stark (an amalgam of Dean's own first name and his "East of Eden" character, "Cal Trask"), arrives late for the presentation just as the astronomy professor lectures the students about the arrival of "a new star, a brilliant star growing ever brighter in the heavens." The scene ends hilariously (unintentionally) as the professor concludes the presentation with a dramatic flash and explosion, accompanied by Leonard Rosenman's terrifying film score, as the Earth is incinerated during the Sun's fiery death. "In the vast expanse of the Universe," the Prof explains, "the Earth will not be missed. The lives of mankind are insignificant. That's all; thank you for your attention." I always want him to smile and say, "Have a nice day, kids! Have fun growing up!" :-)

One humorous aspect of the film, which I hadn't noticed quite as evidently on television, is the blatant homoerotic lust for James Dean exuding from Sal Mineo's "Plato." On the big screen, you can clearly see the light that shines in his eyes whenever he's near Jimmy. He's obviously completely in love with Jimmy and I don't think there was much acting going on there. It's quite sweet.

All of the acting is quite good, as Nicholas Ray smartly cast his actors as themselves and encouraged their improvisations in the scenes, especially the gang kids. Nick Ray was much older than the kids but he was regarded like a trusted older brother on set, much like the kind-hearted police lieutenant played by Edward Platt (famous later as The Chief on "Get Smart") who looks after Jim. The police lieutenant's name? Ray Fremick.

Jim Backus is excellent as Jimmy's immasculated father. The funniest and most poignant scene between them is after the knife fight at the Observatory when Jim wants his father's advice about the Chickie Run. Backus spends the whole scene in Mrs. Stark's flowery kitchen apron! He had been preparing dinner for his wife, but dropped the tray on the floor, spilling the contents. Jimmy scolds him for not "standing up" like a man to Jim's mom. His father's inability to "stand up" for Jim or himself is a recurring theme in the film.

There are so many great actors in the movie (Backus, Natalie Wood, Dennis Hopper) but the film clearly belongs to James Dean. Seeing it again after several years (I've seen it dozens of times before), I was struck by what a beautiful boy James Dean was. He's just gorgeous, and his presence radiates from the screen. His performance is the glue that binds the various subplots together. We see him exposing his most personal emotional issues (abandonment by his estranged father, his ambiguous sexuality, his sense of alienation, loneliness and ostracism) right there on the screen. It's an extraordinarily intimate performance, made ever more touching by Dean's tragic end just weeks before the film's premiere.

The most touching moment for me was at the end when Plato's been shot at the Observatory and Jimmy tearfully zips up his red jacket on Plato's lifeless body. "He was always cold," Jim chokes, before collapsing in a sobbing heap at his father's feet. I couldn't help tearing up a bit myself at that moment. It was such an honest moment.

"Rebel Without A Cause" is truly an American classic. I never get tired of watching it, no matter how many times I've seen it. Like "Casblanca" or "Citizen Kane" or even "Star Wars," it is a film that never gets old.

All Hallow's Eve

Yesterday was a quiet Halloween for me. Had my afternoon class at UCLA as usual, except I appeared in my Elvis costume to the great delight and laughter of my students and co-workers. I also brought some candy so the kids could play "trick or treat." It was fun, but pretty low-key since most of the school was empty on Friday afternoon and in fact only about half of my students showed up for class.

After work, I chilled for a while (no really, it was quite cool in LA yesterday) and had a burrito at Baja Fresh before meeting my friend Heidster for a movie at the UCLA Film and Television Archives. We went to see "The Ghostbreakers" from 1940, starring Bob Hope in a spooky comedic thriller. The film actually wasn't that funny, although there were a few good laughs. Bob Hope was trying to make weak material work. The highlight of the film for me was the gorgeous Paulette Goddard, who must have had the prettiest smile in all of Hollywood. She was just lovely.

This screening was part of UCLA's Archive Treasures series, which is intended to recreate a night at the movies from the classic Hollywood era. So there were several selections on the program before the feature, including a cartoon, a newsreel, etc. It was a fun idea. The most stirring film for me was a short film saluting the courage and determination of the people of London as they went about their daily lives during the height of the Nazi blitz. This seemed all the more poignant in light of 9/11 and the current state of terrorism in the world, but it reinforced my awareness that modern Americans really don't understand war. Most of us have never lived through it ourselves nor seen its devastation on our own lands. It's no wonder the Europeans are so opposed to any violent conflict after seeing what they went through during the early 20th century.

The rain had started to fall in Los Angeles (I know -- rain in LA?!) around dinner time and by the time we got out of the movie, it was coming down pretty good. Although it was early, only 9:30pm, it felt like midnight to me so I hurried home (well, I tried to hurry) since I realized Lousy was stuck outside in the rain.

The Halloween traffic was pretty bad as usual, especially since the West Hollywood Halloween Carnaval was underway just up the street on Santa Monica Blvd. I tried to avoid it as much as I could by sticking south on Wilshire, but the ripple effect was taking its toll. Actually, the traffic could have been a lot worse, but since it was raining heavily, some revelers may have stayed away. I'm sure the rain didn't dampen the spirits of all the WeHo drag queens who live for this night when they can parade themselves out in all their glory!! :-)

It was raining so hard when I got home. It was wonderful, except I got soaked just from the short walk, or run in this case, from the garage to my door. Poor little Lousy was crouching miserably in my parking space when I arrived. "Meow, meow," he whined pathetically. I picked him up and hid him in my coat as I ran to my door.

Once inside, I made sure the cats were dry and warm and well-fed. Then I cranked up the electric blanket on the bed -- it was frigid in my room -- and since it was a dark and stormy night, I finally cracked open Bram Stoker's "Dracula," which I bought weeks ago but hadn't started yet.

I only got through about 25 pages before nodding off, but what I read was really great. I think it's going to be a fun read. Perfect for a dark and stormy night.

Happy Hallowe'en!

Dodged the Bullet

Just heard from Randy -- he's back home!

The fire department started letting residents back into the neighborhood this evening. He said he's never been so happy to see his house. Everything is fine. All the vegetation along the roads and on the hills is scorched black. Most of that is probably the result of backfires set by the fire department. He said the landscape looks like an alien planet around there. But at least the family is fine and so is the house.

City on Fire

Southern California is burning. Wildfires are a regular occurrence every summer, but this is the worst fire season we've ever had and it's very late in the season for fires as well.

The fires are still far away (so far!) from my neighborhood in Hollywood, but the air is choking with acrid brown smoke. All the cars are covered with a thin layer of white ash. Residents of Los Angeles and the surrounding counties have been advised to stay indoors, close the windows and turn on the air conditioner to filter out some of the particulate matter in the air. It's horrible. The smell of burning is everywhere. The sunset was bloody orange -- beautiful and sickening.

Worst of all, my dear friends Randy and Heather may lose their home to the Simi Valley fire. The fire started heading their way on Sunday and started getting closer late last night and early this morning. Randy called me this morning and asked me to sub his class at UCLA today. He wanted to stay with the family as long as possible and get packed up and ready to go should the call come to evacuate.

That call came at about noon today. They left the home and got a hotel room not too far from their neighborhood. Randy had to go back to the house for a few minutes in the early evening because he forgot his medicine....and the digital projector! :-)

He said his neighborhood was like hell on earth. Everything was glowing red and there was smoke and ash everywhere. Luckily the fire had not come too close to the house at that time (that was about 6pm), but the firemen only gave him five minutes to get his medicine and get out of the neighborhood.

They are staying in the hotel with the baby and Chukka the dog. The cats are staying with Heidi in Santa Clarita. Randy will not go to work again tomorrow -- he can't until he's sure his family is safe and secure. Hopefully they will know by tomorrow if the house will be OK or not. If not, they will start looking for an apartment to stay in long term. They can't stay in the same hotel on Tuesday night because all the rooms are reserved. So I don't know where they will go Tues if they can't go home. It's a pretty shitty situation, but they are staying as calm as possible about it. Not much else they can do.

I've been watching on TV and the fire is still threatening their neighborhood. The TV reporters have been on the hill behind Randy's house all day, but will be moving soon so the fire department can prepare for the iminent arrival of the flames. We used to go for walks up that hill to play ball with the dog. It's so weird to think that space will soon be consumed by a raging inferno.

Updates to follow....

Hello blog,

Gosh it's been a while....how are things? Life is going along swimmingly at the moment....not super great in all departments...but pretty decent overall, I guess......just came downstairs from a neighbors party upstairs....the two actresses above me finally invited me to one of their parties....yeah!....they are lovely, especially the one who is truly a beautiful specimen of the feminine form....she's strikingly beautiful....if only she wasn't an alcoholic.....ah well, nobody's perfect....it's been a long time since I stayed up all night....it's now a quarter after four in the morning....can't remember the last time I was up this late...especially with such a killer buzz going.....must have drank about 6 or 7 beers....plus a nightcap of a vodka/crankberry juice to freshen the palate....good stuff...but I was never fall down drunk......kept my wits about me...like a mature adult....bully for me, eh?!....

.....I must say I am absolutely ADORING the new Apple iTunes for PC....it really rocks...I loved it when I first saw it on Betty's Mac two years ago....that was when he got the first IPOD back in San Francisco....fun weekend....I knew then how beautiful the Macintosh interface was....scads above the Windows platform....so finally I have the new version for Windows and it has just been a pleasure listening to all my old MP3s again (all 1056 of them).....it's so easy and intuitive to use....Apple's got the goods on this thing.....

,,,,anyway, I'm pretty drunk now....(LOL)....I feel like Anthony Newley singing "Goldfinger".....a feeling that my days are obviously numbered......eh, governor??! :-)....tip top and that mutter jazz.....adios muchachos....

.....I better go to bed now....night night Bloggy......

Love, Scottydude....the one and only.....thank God.....

Haven't blogged in a while, so I thought I'd post a little bit before they cancel my account from lack of use!

There, that should do it.

The verdict is in.....or at least over. Yep, we finished our deliberations and rendered our verdicts (3 of them) this morning. I was the foreperson and I did a good job of herding the cats so that we could finish our duty before lunch time! Even the other jurors congratulated me on a job well done. It felt strange to hear to judge and the court recorder recite my name as they read the verdicts.

As much of a hassle as this experience has been, I'm glad I did it. It was very educational to see our system in process and it felt good to be a part of that process, and to fulfill my civic duty. Certainly there are weaknesses to our judicial system, but overall I'm impressed with its efficiency and its fairness.

The challenge to the jurors was to remain dispassionate observers to this whole thing and we did that, although we often had to remind ourselves of that perspective during the deliberations.

Anyway, as the judge said, "same time, next year?" :-) We're excused from service for at least 12 months, but we will probably all be called again. I wouldn't mind doing it again if I were called, as long as I can schedule it during a time when there is no class.

Speaking of which, I talked with my supervisor at UCLA today and I have a decent schedule for this month. Not completely full, but certainly enough to keep me busy and financially supported.

Now I'm on my way to Randy's house for a little birthday celebration for our dear friend Heidster. I only hope I can make it there before I run out of gasoline -- I'm running on fumes!

Call me "Foreman Scottydude!" That's right -- I'm the foreman of the jury. Our trial finally reached closing arguments today and the case was delivered to the jury. We deliberated for a little less than two hours this afternoon and reached a partial verdict. Now we have to calculate the damages and awards. That should go fairly easily; it's just a lot of number crunching.

It was interesting to start the deliberation phase because nobody was sure what to do. For a long time we just started discussing various aspects of the case that had been on our minds. A lot of the session was spent just venting our thoughts and impressions since we had been stifled for so long against discussing the case.

Finally, since no one else wanted to do it, I volunteered to be the jury foreman. Then we got down to the business of actually deciding liability. At first we couldn't decide. It was a difficult choice to make, but after some discussion and reasoning-out various situations, most of us agreed on a basic scenario of what happened in the accident. Then the other decisions started coming easier.

The court made us stop at 4:30, but most of us would have continued longer if we'd been allowed. I really wanted to have tomorrow off. Oh well, we'll hopefully finish deliberations and announce our verdicts by lunch time. Then we can have a nice free afternoon. What will I do with myself? Oh yeah, probably get ready for UCLA, which starts on Wednesday. Blech! :-)

I'd much rather go see the Hitchcock double-feature at the Beverly. How can I come up with $6 bucks though. I'm dirt-ass poor! Oh well, Wednesday is payday. I'll be feeling a lot better then hopefully.

Regardless of political sentiment, it's hard to imagine a director who had more influence over 20th century American acting than Elia Kazan. Just read a list of his important films and Broadway plays or the names of the actors he discovered who had a seminal influence on not only acting but American culture: "On The Waterfront," "East of Eden," "Death of a Salesman," "A Streetcar Named Desire," and the actors Lee J. Cobb, Marlon Brando, James Dean, and of course Warren Beatty! :-)

It's too bad there is such a cloud hanging over his legacy because of his testimony to Sen. McCarthy's HUAC hearings in the early 1950s. Maybe he did "rat" on some of his peers and colleagues, but at the time, he was simply defending his work, his career, and his family.

Kazan's talents as an actor (he was a founding member of the Actors' Studio and a proponent of "The Method" style of acting), a director of screen and stage (he earned two Academy Awards, half of his 23 films are considered American classics, and his Broadway triumphs included "The Skin of Our Teeth," "All My Sons," "Streetcar," and "Death of a Salesman"), and writer (he wrote half a dozen best-selling novels as well as an autobiography and several non-fiction books about his filmmaking) are beyond comparison.

Elia Kazan was born September 7, 1909 in Contantinople, Ottoman Empire. He died on September 28, 2003 in New York City.

For more information about Elia Kazan's life and work, go to the Internet Movie Database (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001415/).

To hear a very interesting interview with him discussing his work with Brando and Dean, go to National Public Radio's "Fresh Air" program (http://freshair.npr.org/day_fa.jhtml?display=day&todayDate=09/29/2003).

Jury duty was so amazing on Friday! The morning was a little slow at the plaintiffs were wrapping up their case. For three days we had heard the same account of the story told by several different witnesses, all covering the same information. Boring!

Then in the afternoon, the defense attorney presented his case. Well, then the fireworks started to fly. First was a doctor who had examined the medical records of the plaintiffs and felt the treatment was excessive and the examining doctor incompetent. The plaintiff's cross-exam was blistering! This lawyer totally ripped the doctor a new one and did everything possible to destroy his credibility. It was brutal.

But the next witness for the defense was even more intriguing. This was a third party, not involved with the case, who had seen the accident (I shouldn't be talking about this yet) and gave totally contradictory testimony compared to the plaintiffs. And he was very credible, too! The jury was astounded. When the plaintiffs cross-examined this witness he gained in credibility and in fact the plaintiff's case was weakened further. Finally they just stopped asking questions of this witness. The judge excused us for the weekend but told us we should get the case for deliberations by Monday. Hopefully this jury can render a verdict by Tuesday morning and be done with this case. That would be a nice thing.

The good news for me is that my supervisors at UCLA were totally supportive when I told them I was on jury duty. They are both really sincere when it comes to civic duty so it will be no problem for me to miss the new session startup and they said they would work out a good schedule for me. Hooray!

FUCK!! I'm on jury duty this week. I was hoping to get out of it, but dammit they picked me to sit on a jury for a civil case. It's not all bad; in fact, it's quite an interesting experience to see how our legal system works. As inefficient as it may seem sometimes, the judicial system in the US is truly exquisite in its balance and grace.

I'm sure I'll have more to say about this later, but for now I'm under oath "not to discuss the case or form any opinions." :-)

Meanwhile, I'm missing out on the last week of my vacation before school starts again next week. I didn't have anything planned this week -- I knew I would be on jury duty -- but I need to catch up on my chores, such as laundry, cleaning, etc. I was going to get all my paperwork filed that's been piling up, and I need to take care of some things that I've procrastinating over terribly. It's really bad. I still haven't filed my taxes for 2002!!

Beyond that (in fact the cause of that) is I am fucking flat broke. Not a penny to my name. Well, that's almost an exaggeration. I actually have about $4 total if you count the change in my ashtray and the quarters I've been saving for laundry. Ugh, I hate being poor. Don't know why I can't seem to catch up on my finances. It's depressing.

In other news, my sister finally broke down and got a cell phone. Actually, she got the same phone as me! We've been text messaging each other quite a bit the past few days. I knew she would enjoy having it more than she expected to. We all do!

I still haven't started building my webpage. That's another thing I was going to start this week. Frustrating. There's no great rush -- I don't need it for any particular reason, but my friends have already paid for the domain name. I feel like every week that goes by without action is a waste somehow. Kind of like my life.....hmmmmm......

I need Prozac -- STAT!!

Bowie's REALITY -- awesome. I really love the new album. At first listening, it didn't impress me immediately like HEATHEN, the last one, did. But after just a couple of listenings, I am really hooked. A few tracks especially that please me are the first track (the single) "New Killer Star," and "Never Get Old" which is a great rocker anthem, and I really love the final track "Bring Me The Disco King." I don't really know what it's about yet, but it has an eerie, captivating sound...unlike any other track on the album. Quite sparse arrangement: mostly piano and drums with droning backup harmonies. Really deep theme -- he's been trying to record this song to his own satisfaction for the past decade, but only now has it been "finished."

Many more listenings to come!

Back in LA now. Got back early Friday morning, about 4:00 AM. Ugh. Long dull drive back from Denver -- 16 hours. But I had Bowie playing in the CD player the whole way. I had my own little retrospective of his recordings on the way to Denver and back -- all 26 studio albums, including his newest, "Reality," released this week.

Caught a nasty cold in Breckenridge (?) that started making my throat sore last Sunday evening. By Monday morning I was in serious discomfort. Cold has lasted all week (it's now Saturday). I'm in the chesty congestion stage at this point. My voice is practically non-existent, which sucks considering I'm teaching seven classes online today! :-(

Oh well, I can relax this evening and tomorrow if I choose. I may have jury duty next week. Gotta call the hotline to find out for sure. In some ways I'd like to experience jury duty, but in other ways I'd rather sleep in and avoid the commute during my week off from classes.

To top it all off, I'm completely and utterly broke! I don't know what the hell happened, but I made a big ol' goof with my checking account and spent the same money two or three times over. I just checked my account statement online and I bounced like 10 checks or something outrageous. Overdraft charges over $200 this month!! Grrrrr.

I can't afford to make those kind of mistakes. I can't afford any mistakes these days. I can barely afford the rent! I guess things are a little more challenging financially than I anticipated. A year ago I was rolling in cash, but that was also while living in a house with two other roommates. My rent was about half what it is now. So my expenses are practically doubled living on my own, and the income is actually not increasing. In fact, this summer has killed me financially. Enrollment at ALC was way down this summer and although I had a full schedule in August and September, June and July were mighty slim and my budget has suffered for it. I'm still catching up on bills from three months ago. I should say "trying to catch up" because I'm not really doing any "catching up" at all. I'm bummed.

I sincerely love teaching ESL. It's great fun and I feel personally rewarded (emotionally, spiritually, etc.). And even though the hourly teaching rate at UCLA is excellent, the number of hours available are limited. And with fall approaching, the enrollment is usually smaller than summer, so teaching hours may be fewer than ever. That's gonna kill me if I can't make some extra money. I've fallen into a bit of a hole and I can't seem to get out of it at the moment. Oh well, what can one do?

I stopped by my old college in Denver to see about completing my degree. I was surprised to realize I have 75 credits completed. I thought it was more like 60. Anyway, I didn't get much information from them. One has to jump through enormous hoops at a public school just to get the simplest of answers. I found the same trouble at CSUN when I went to talk with them. In fact, no one would meet me individually. I went to a group orientation of about 50 people interested in the teacher education major. I filled out the paperwork requesting a private consulation, but they sent me a letter saying they couldn't advise me until I applied to the school -- that's a $65 dollar fee -- and I wasn't even sure CSUN was the right school for me or not! At least I didn't have to pay again at Metro, since I am a former student, but I did have to reapply for admission before the counselor would even consider advising me. Of course I applied again and then they told me they could really give me specific information about my major and that I should contact someone in the major department I was interested in. So I walk over to the English department to talk with someone, but there was no one available to meet me. Typical. I wonder if the service would be any better at a private school? Like they say, "you get what you pay for."

I'm in Colorado now staying with my Dad. It's strange not to have Mom around -- she recently moved to Texas to take care of my sick Aunt -- but it's nice to relax and enjoy the beautiful cool weather. I'm in Denver (the capitol city of Colorado) and the weather this week is warm and sunny (high temps about 75 F -- maybe 22-23 C) and the sky is so blue and clear. Saturday, I was in Breckenridge (a small mountain skiing village) where it was snowing and the temperatures were below freezing!

I went to Breckenridge for a film festival, where my best friend's movie was premiering. It's his first feature and it got accepted into the competition for Best Comedy. I don't think it won any awards, but it's a very funny film and it got a warm response from the audience at Friday night's screening. We were all very happy. Although I didn't participate much in the filming, I did sing and record the song for the final end credits. It's a very silly song and the audience listened closely to the words and laughed a lot.

OK, time to post again. Getting out of the habit. Actually I never quite got in the habit, but there's always hope!

I'm finishing up my summer term here at UCLA Extension and getting ready for a road trip to Colorado. Headin' to Colorado for the Breckenridge Film Festival to see the world premiere of my best friend Randy's film, "The Second Degree". He has worked so hard to complete this film; I'm very proud of him!

It should be fun to spend a few days in the mountains -- clean air, relaxed atmosphere -- so different from LA. Hopefully the film comes off well and people enjoy it. I think that would make Randy and everyone happy: just to hear an audience laughing and appreciating the film.

After Breckenridge, I'll head to Denver to visit Dad and Sis. Will be strange not to have Mom there. She's down in Houston taking care of Aunt Martha. But it will be fun to hang out more with Dad this time. We always have fun because we're so alike in some ways and we share a lot of interests. We always play guitar together and listen to all kinds of music. My Dad has an outstanding collection of music, on CD and vinyl LPs!!

I'll have to be back in LA by Friday the 19th. One of my students has a short film screening in LA and I'd like to see it. Also, I can't miss my coffee talk with Heidster -- just about the coolest friend a friend can have! We always get together on Fridays to discuss the week's events or to take in a classic film at the New Beverly Cinema in my neighborhood. I think there's a great Hepburn & Tracy double feature that night. I'll probably fall asleep during the second feature, but that's OK; I usually do.

Well, gotta get going and get packing! Always much to do before a big road trip. Adios!

Hi there! Been a while since I last blogged, so I thought I'd update you on what's going on in my life. I know, I know...you must be breathless with anticipation....

I am so happy today that my computer is finally updated with Windows XP and I installed a new hard drive and an extra memory card and I did it all by myself! :-) Well, almost by myself. I couldn't have done it without the excellent advice and coaching of my friend Heidster. She's quite a computer geek herself and now I'm becoming one. She turned me on the blogging and now she's hooked me on the upgrade roadway.

It's a ton of fun - and frustration - to upgrade your own computer, especially something as drastic as installing a new hard drive. There's a lot of mystery involved too in getting it set just right and converting the older drive to a slave and so forth. Lots of technical stuff I don't know about, but I just used common sense and some counseling from Heidster and now I'm all set. So far! Everything is just back online this evening so I can't say it's all perfect yet.

Had to buy a new mouse, too, which is a bit of a drag since I loved my old IBM optical mouse. But it's not compatible with XP so there you go. Had to dig deep and shell out for a new Microsoft optical mouse. It's cute, but it's not quite as comfortable in the hand as my old mouse. Alas!

In other news, I haven't checked in with Mom to see how's she doing with the move to Houston. Last I heard she was packing up and moving her stuff to storage and planning to be out by the first of the month. That's today! My sister Sherea said Mom will stay with her a couple of nights and then head down to Texas on Wednesday. Too bad I'm going to miss her. I'll be in Denver the following week. Ugh. Well I feel sorry for her having to go through with this and for the impending loss of her big sister. That can't be any fun at all. My Mom will get through it though. She's a pretty tough cookie.

Oh well, that's all for now I guess. Now that I've got the new OS running and the hard drive, I have to reinstall a lot of programs and get used to the new system. Gotta start working on my website too. Only have the domain in place so far, nothing much to see yet. Not sure the purpose for it actually besides just the fun of doing it. But it would be cool to have some place online where I can express myself creatively and keep a personal web presence active. Let everyone know what's going on with me. Could have practical applications as well, such as keeping important documents all in one place. And there's tons of possibilities to do with my teaching. Who know?!

I made a pretty strong resolution over the weekend. Happy Labor Day by the way. I've decided I've got to go back to school and finish my degree. Just got to do it. I've been saying that for years and pining for it, but I haven't taken any action. Now I realize if I don't do it soon then I will never do it and it will be too late. It's not getting any easier and it will only get harder. And I don't need anything in my life to get harder, believe me! So I'm gonna do it. Not sure yet where I'll go or what I'll do -- may end up back in Denver, in fact, if necessary. Maybe I'll take some time to visit my old stoppin' ground in Denver when I'm there in September and just see what it would take to finish there. Surely they would accept original credits. I'd have to do some catch up, but it might be faster/easier than starting completely over in another state system like CSU or UC. We'll see....

Getting excited about Breckenridge. It's going to be a nice setting to relax in, although I know we'll feel nervous when it's time to show the film. Randy is going to be climbing the walls I know it. So will I probably. I just hope the film is ready and as complete as Randy wants it to be. I sure hope the audience enjoys it too. It's a pretty good film if you understand the premise. I'm not sure how many people outside of Hollywood know the whole Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game. I'm just looking forward to seeing the movie "finished" and screened before a public audience.

Anyway, that's more than enough for now. I "must to bed" as Shakespeare might say...if he could say anything, the poor beggar. Been watching a bit of "All Creatures Great and Small" on DVD (thanks R & H). Brings back a lot of memories. Tea and Mrs. Hall and Tricky Woo and "this 'orse ain't runnin' on nought but three cylinders" and all of that. Good stuff!

Feeling pretty good today cuz I got some money in the bank! Finally....

It's been a tough month financially and I'm definitely not out of the woods yet, but it just feels nice to know I can eat today if I want to. It's amazing how much liberty is denied when you don't have the dosh, and man I've felt like a prisoner for the past three weeks or so. Anywho, things are looking up for the moment so I'm going to enjoy a few days of relaxation before it's all gone again.

Strange message from my little sis last night. Sounds like Mom has decided to move to Houston to take care of my Aunt Martha. Not sure how I feel about that. I totally understand why she's going, of course. In fact, she had ruminated on that possibility months ago, even before Aunt Martha got so sick. Mom had considered moving to Texas to be closer to her sisters. And she had discussed the possibility of moving in with one of her sisters, including Aunt Martha, to save living expenses. Now the circumstances are quite different since Aunt Martha is gravely ill and who knows how long she will last, God bless her.

So it's a strange sense of transition one feels. On the one hand, it's great that Mom feels that connection with her sister and great for Aunt Martha that she will have someone available to take care of her in her final days. It's going to be so challenging for both of them I think, in ways I'm sure I can't begin to imagine.

On the other hand, I feel a sense of loss myself since my Mom won't be at "home" anymore. One's hometown is more than just the physical surroundings of a city or community. It's also about the people who live there and my family has been in Denver for the past 25 years since my Dad relocated us from Lubbock, Texas. It's strange to think that when I go "home" to Denver, my Mom won't be there. I don't know how that's going to feel. And I'm planning to go home soon -- in about three weeks. Mom may not even be there then since she's trying to get down to Houston as quickly as she can. I haven't talked with her yet, but before, she mentioned the possibility of giving up her apartment and putting all her things (and some of mine, come to think of it) in storage. God what a drag to move all that stuff. And who knows how long she'll be with Aunt Martha in Houston?

I have a feeling if she does move to Texas that she will never come back to Denver. I don't know why I feel that way, but I do. It's a shame, too, since my sister is finally going to have a baby. My Mom has been waiting for years for a grandbaby and now that she's having one, she's probably going to miss the whole thing!

Oh what a fucked up life this is.

Whew! Oh my god, I thought I had lost all my blogs. Every time I logged into my blogspot today all I got was the failed comment function entry and a blank page. Even the archive links on the right didn't appear! Oh my God, I panicked. I even tried republishing the whole site, but I didn't see any difference.

Well, after letting the browser window stay open for a few minutes, finally the rest of the blogs appeared! I guess it was just taking a long time to download or something. Freaky. I was about to forever swear off blogging for fear of losing my data. Not that any of this crap is worth anything, but I've spent some time writing these, especially my emotional blog last night about my Aunt Martha. It would suck to spend all that time, effort and energy in something that wasn't going to last. But then again, permanency is such a false concept anyway.

Hope to catch up with my pal Heidster tomorrow....

trying to add a comment function, but that didn't work.

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Tough blog coming up. Had a great day with the kids today in Hollywood. It was a class field trip to visit the famous historical places in Tinseltown. Lots of fun even though the weather was quite hot. Got home to receive a tearful phone call from Mom. Seems my dear Aunt Martha, who has been battling cancer for the past three years, had emergency surgery today to relieve some of the fluid accumulating in her lungs. She had trouble breathing over the weekend and luckily Mom happened to be in Texas (where my extended family lives) for my cousin's birthday party and was able to rush Aunt Martha to the hospital. It's hard to say if the surgery was successful or not. They were able to drain the fluid; however, the doctor said they found lots of cancer in the lining of her lungs, a common side effect of ovarian cancer. He said it was so bad that they didn't even bother using chemo on it, her lungs were so deformed. There's not much they can do for her now. We'll know in the morning, hopefully, what the prognosis is.

It's sad to think of losing a wonderful Aunt of mine. She's the oldest sister in my Mom's family and Mom and all her sisters really look up to Aunt Martha as a role model. Since my Mom was sixteen when her mother died (of cancer), Aunt Martha became the matriarch of the family. She's a hell-of-a strong woman and she is a fighter. She's had a lot of hard knocks in her life -- cancer was just the latest -- but she's always come through like a champion. Like my Mom told me today, "I just never considered that she wouldn't beat [the cancer]."

Aunt Martha hasn't given up yet, but she was giving hints over the weekend that the fight may soon be over. Mom mentioned that a few times Aunt Martha made comments about what to do "after I'm gone" or "if anything happens to me." Maybe her doctor had told her the cancer was getting worse, or maybe she just knew it, felt it. It's hard to imagine what it must be like to have another organism living within you and consuming your body. It's even harder to imagine that no matter what you do or how hard you try, you just can't stop it.

I love my Aunt Martha. She's really taught me a lot over the years, about life, about hard work, about making difficult choices, always doing your best, and never giving up. She's a champion. Perhaps she's just tired of the struggle. Her quality of life has been deteriorating drastically the past couple of years. The ironic thing is that Mom said she was looking so good these days. Her hair was growing back, and she'd lost almost thirty pounds since the bloating caused by the most recent chemo. Everyone at the birthday mentioned how good she looked. But she was keeping a secret, and she insisted my Mom help keep the secret. The secret was that she couldn't breathe. Her lungs were being drained every day by the doctors, but still the fluid came back. She was also in a great deal of pain and discomfort. Mom said she couldn't sleep lying down anymore, so she had to sleep sitting up in a chair or propped up with pillows on the couch. I don't blame her for wanting this life to end. Having your fingernails fall off because of chemo and your eyes constantly overflowing with tears because the bloating has squeezed your tear ducts shut are just two minor examples of a pretty miserable way to live.

I feel sorry for my Mom who is suddenly so afraid of losing her big sister. "It's so unfair," she told me. It is unfair. It's damn unfair. Mom is making plans to return to Texas as soon as necessary. Depending on how long my Aunt Martha has left, Mom may even put her things in storage and move to Texas for a while to take care of Aunt Martha. For some reason, I don't think it's going to be that long now. I hate to sound pessimistic, but this is something I've been trying to prepare myself for, ever since she was diagnosed a few years ago.

I've had the great pleasure of seeing Aunt Martha a few times in the past couple of years, at times when she was fit as a fiddle, and at other times when she was really struggling. She was even here in LA a little less than a year ago for a meeting. We had a nice dinner in Hollywood. I hate to think that may be the last time I'll ever see her. I hate to think of anytime that might be the last time I'll ever see her.

I hope she feels better again soon. And I hope I get to see her at least one more time. I don't know what I would tell her. Except that I love her. What else matters?

ss

Wheh! Just got finished with teaching for the day. My English Online class (EOL) is always challenging, but a lot of fun, too. The test is to keep it communicative so that students don't become so absorbed in their computers that they forget to practice speaking English with their classmates.

We're pretty far into building our own webpages. I think the class was surprised by how easy it was to get started on the Internet, but also how challenging it is to make a sophisticated webpage. And we're taking baby steps here, believe me!

It's also challenging as a teacher because each student progresses at their own level, both with the language and with the computer skills. So I have to really monitor individual students to make sure they are not too bored or not too overwhelmed, depending on their individual abilities.

So Thursday, I would like to finish up the webpages for a while and let them try something a little different. I don't want to overdo it with webpages, although it is addictive stuff and one can easily get lost in the process for hours on end. I can only imagine what it will be like for me when I start building my own "real" web pages for scottydude.com. I'm way excited about that -- but daunted as well. (Is daunted an adjective?)

Oh God, I can never turn off my teacher brain!! :-)

Again I'm getting blogging peer pressure from my friend Heidster...jeesh! :0)

I don't mind really. I just haven't gotten in to the habit of blogging yet. I just wonder who I'm writing for besides myself...and Heidster. Hopefully I can get my web page online soon. I've already got the www.scottydude.com domain set up. Now I need someone to host my pages, and I do need to build my pages as well. (details, details)

I think once I have a stronger web presence I'll feel more comfortable blogging. But who knows?! I could always go back on my word. As my idol David Bowie recently said, "It's part of my entertaining factor: lying to you."

Second blog entry:

This is for Stennie, aka my dear friend Heidster. She's a "blogaholic" (hee hee), but I prefer moderation in my blogging habits. Actually, I'm just a lazy f--k who hasn't gotten into the habit of regular blogging. It's a novel concept though. Who knows...maybe I'll be an official Blogathoner in 2004!! :-)

Well! This is my first-ever blog! Oh my, isn't this exciting...actually it's kind of fun. This is just a little experiment because I want to use this in my teaching. I teach English as a Second Language (ESL) at UCLA Extension. One course I teach is called English On-Line. It's not really an online course, but it does use computer-assisted language learning. I thought it might be useful and interesting for students to keep weblogs about their time in Los Angeles. We also build webpages in class, so they can hopefully include links to their blogs on their websites. Wish me luck!