Feeling pretty good today cuz I got some money in the bank! Finally....

It's been a tough month financially and I'm definitely not out of the woods yet, but it just feels nice to know I can eat today if I want to. It's amazing how much liberty is denied when you don't have the dosh, and man I've felt like a prisoner for the past three weeks or so. Anywho, things are looking up for the moment so I'm going to enjoy a few days of relaxation before it's all gone again.

Strange message from my little sis last night. Sounds like Mom has decided to move to Houston to take care of my Aunt Martha. Not sure how I feel about that. I totally understand why she's going, of course. In fact, she had ruminated on that possibility months ago, even before Aunt Martha got so sick. Mom had considered moving to Texas to be closer to her sisters. And she had discussed the possibility of moving in with one of her sisters, including Aunt Martha, to save living expenses. Now the circumstances are quite different since Aunt Martha is gravely ill and who knows how long she will last, God bless her.

So it's a strange sense of transition one feels. On the one hand, it's great that Mom feels that connection with her sister and great for Aunt Martha that she will have someone available to take care of her in her final days. It's going to be so challenging for both of them I think, in ways I'm sure I can't begin to imagine.

On the other hand, I feel a sense of loss myself since my Mom won't be at "home" anymore. One's hometown is more than just the physical surroundings of a city or community. It's also about the people who live there and my family has been in Denver for the past 25 years since my Dad relocated us from Lubbock, Texas. It's strange to think that when I go "home" to Denver, my Mom won't be there. I don't know how that's going to feel. And I'm planning to go home soon -- in about three weeks. Mom may not even be there then since she's trying to get down to Houston as quickly as she can. I haven't talked with her yet, but before, she mentioned the possibility of giving up her apartment and putting all her things (and some of mine, come to think of it) in storage. God what a drag to move all that stuff. And who knows how long she'll be with Aunt Martha in Houston?

I have a feeling if she does move to Texas that she will never come back to Denver. I don't know why I feel that way, but I do. It's a shame, too, since my sister is finally going to have a baby. My Mom has been waiting for years for a grandbaby and now that she's having one, she's probably going to miss the whole thing!

Oh what a fucked up life this is.