Horny Amish Guy

Met the strangest man on Hollywood Boulevard today. He claimed to be an Amish from Michigan. He certainly looked the part, with plain black clothes, a big black hat, and a long grey beard with no moustache. I'd put him in his mid-to-late-60s.

It was odd enough to see an Amish person walking the Boulevard (we certainly see plenty of crazies around here) but I was not expecting him to ask me so many questions about sex! Turns out he was hoping to see some real life prostitutes in Hollywood. He already knew that the girls work on Sunset Blvd and the boys work on Santa Monica Blvd.

Then he started asking more personal questions about sexual practices and positions, especially sex between men. "Is it true that usually one of the men takes the feminine role during sex?" he asked. "I never screwed another woman besides my wife, so this is all new to me." I was trying to be polite and helpful to the old guy, but he started creeping me out. He told me he had trouble maintaining an erection and had tried using a penis pump but it hurt too bad. He also began asking questions about my sex life! Finally, we got busy with other customers in the store so he left.

The next day one of my co-workers called to tell me that Horny Amish Guy came back looking for me: "Where's the guy who answered all my questions?" Luckily I was off that day, so he tried to get information from my colleagues, but they were less forthcoming. Mr. Amish wanted to know the location of the homeless youth hostels in Hollywood. What a perve, eh?!