Jews Are Weird

I think almost all religions are ridiculous and destructive, full of strange rituals and idiosyncrasies that have wrought more violence on this planet than practically any other force.  Having said that, I live in a largely Orthodox Jewish neighborhood in Los Angeles.  Every day I see neighbors walking to temple or to school dressed in their plain black suits and hats, looking almost like Amish people.  I see them walking a lot in my neighborhood since driving is discouraged, especially on the sabbath.

Today, Saturday, I was walking down the street near my home when I came upon one of the largest new houses in my neighborhood, a "ginormous" McMansion that takes up two whole corner lots.  I've always been curious to see inside and today I got my chance!  As I was passing the house, a middle-aged man wearing a T-shirt and boxer shorts was standing on the sidewalk in his dark blue socks.  "Excuse me," he smiled.  "Are you Jewish?"

"No," I replied.

"Oh good," he said.  "Would you mind doing me a big favor?  We're not supposed to work or touch any electronics today and unfortunately the maid left yesterday without turning on the air conditioning.  Could you come inside and turn it on for me?"

It happened to be quite hot today, so I gladly agreed and he ushered me inside the house.  As I entered the family room, his wife, wearing a head scarf, sat in the kitchen reading a book in Hebrew while their three young children played board games on the winding staircase.  I followed his instructions for turning on the air conditioning, and then he humbly asked if I could help him with one more thing upstairs.

"Sure, no problem," I said.  

"Oh, thank you so much," he replied.  "You're a doing us a big favor."

The wife looked up from her book and also thanked me.  "You're so nice to help us," she said.

Passing through the kitchen, I noticed the disarray not unusual for families with small children, but even the sink was full of dirty dishes.  Up the stairs the man and I went, stepping over the children and their games, and into the TV room which featured a huge projection television set.  He walked right over to the cable box next to the TV and asked me to change the channel so he could watch the basketball game.  That's right, folks -- Jews can't even change the TV channel on the sabbath!!  Apparently, Yahweh doesn't like his people pushing buttons on Saturdays.

The man and his wife were very grateful and a bit embarrassed by the whole thing.  He even called it a silly custom and I noticed he wasn't wearing any head covering.  I was happy to help out some neighbors in need, plus I told him I was glad to see his beautiful home.  In return for my services, they offered me a cold soda but I graciously declined, considering I was just a few blocks from home and could get refreshment there.  He insisted on filling up my water bottle with ice water, so I accepted.  

The man walked me to the door, bowing and thanking me emphatically for the "neighborly gesture," as he put it.  "Glad to help out," I said, "and Happy Shabbos!"  I left the house and made my way back home, the whole way thanking God that I don't believe in him. 

So much of religious idolatry is nothing more than empty ritual.  Why is it OK for a Jewish man to watch TV as long as he doesn't turn it on or off or change the channel?  And does God favor the Lakers or the Denver Nuggets?  Enquiring minds want to know!