Dancing With McCartney

Does Paul McCartney watch Dancing With The Stars? I'd be curious to know what Sir Paul thinks of his ex, Heather Mills' performance on the show. So far she has done quite well with her partner, Jonathan Roberts, and they've certainly made a big deal about her prosthetic leg and the challenge that poses to ballroom dancing.

Would Paul be a good sport and wish Heather well and be pleased for her success, or would he bitterly curse her name every time her face appeared on national television. How dare she get all that exposure!

You can watch Dancing With The Stars or any ABC prime time show for free at abc.com.

Sanjaya Was Robbed!

I demand a recount! I cannot believe the American public would vote Sanjaya off the show. Actually, yes I can. In fact, I agree with them. Sanjaya was cute and adorable, but he couldn't really sing. And now that it's down to the bottom six singers, the cream has risen to the top.

Farewell, Sanjana. But be not afraid, for we still have Apolo to route for!!

No Olympics for LA

Los Angeles lost its bid to host the Olympic Games. Chicago was picked to represent the United States in the international bidding. Too bad for us, but hopefully Chicago can make a go of it.

Peter Ueberroth, the chairman of the U.S. Olympic Committee (and former media heavyweight in this neck of the woods), made an interesting comment about the quality of leadership in both cities:

"It was a very tough decision. If I had all the power — and sometimes people accuse me of that — I would take the map and merge the two cities, because I'll tell you what: If you could take the mayors of these two communities and have them run our country, we would all be better off."

http://msn.foxsports.com/olympics/story/6675988?MSNHPHCP&GT1=9331

I Bought My Car

After all, I decided to keep this cute Honda CR-V and I bought out the lease, for a very good price for a car of this quality. There are times when it is handy to have a vehicle, especially a "utility vehicle." So I won't be stranded, just in case of a tsunami or God knows what.

Only 36 payments to go and she's mine!

Fumigation Time!

It's been ages since I've posted, but some of you know my apartment got fumigated a couple weeks ago. That's my place in the photo, bagged and tagged. Me and Hissy had to be out for 48 hours, so I spent the night in a motel one night and crashed on a friend's house the next, but I couldn't take Hissy to those places so she spent time at Aunt Heidi's.

That was interesting because Hissy doesn't really get along with other cats and Heidi has two cats in her apartment, but they all seemed to get along OK under the circumstances. We're back home again now and things are returning to normal, termite free!

Public Transportation is Good

Some of you know that I have been experimenting with using the public transportation system in Los Angeles. Now before you make your "do you speak Spanish?" jokes and your snide "aren't you afraid of catching head lice?" remarks, I must tell you that after a trial month, I'm very pleasantly surprised with the results so far.

Have you seen the film An Inconvenient Truth? Everyone needs to see this Oscar-winning film, but more importantly, everyone needs to do something towards solving the global climate crisis. As an educator, I felt a personal responsibility to serve as a role model for the young people who learn from me. Since I live only a block from the bus stop, I decided to try commuting to work on the bus.

At first I had reservations about it: how often does the bus come? Will it be on-time? How many times will I have to transfer lines? Will the bus ride fit my schedule? All my worries proved unnecessary. The bus ride takes only a few minutes longer than driving and the bus stops right in front of my work place. I don't have to deal with traffic, parking, or the rising cost of gasoline (we're up to $3 a gallon again). And best of all, I have at least an hour a day to myself when I can catch up on my reading, take a nap, or just space out for a while. It's been great!

It has also increased my physical activity since I have to walk to the bus stop. I take a slightly alternate route on the way back which includes a longer walk -- about 8 blocks -- to my apartment. I've even experimented by getting off a few blocks earlier to increase the walking distance for more exercise. Now I can walk a brisk mile or two without even breaking a sweat. It's really an enjoyable lifestyle. Besides the work commute, I've used the bus to go shopping, run errands, even to go the opera downtown. And I've seen a lot more of my neighborhood and my city than I ever did driving a car.

They say that nobody walks in LA, and that even fewer people ride the bus. What they mean is no white people take the bus. That's simply not true on either account. I've seen the complete range of nationalities, age, and social classes on the public transportation system, and more and more people are choosing an environmentally responsible approach to their daily transportation and leaving the traffic headaches behind. If you're going to sit for an hour in a slowly moving vehicle, wouldn't you rather leave the driving to someone else?

Los Angeles recently earned an award for Outstanding Public Transportation System, and though I was skeptical at first, I'm not now. This system works and it's the right thing to do. Once people realize the benefits to society, the environment, and personal health, I think this city will change its reputation as the smog and car capital of the world. Go Metro!

Tannhauser at LA Opera

So my new favorite thing is to buy $20 rush tickets for the L.A. Opera at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion. Last night I scored big time with an excellent seat, third row center! Not only could I have practically reached out and touched the back of the conductor's head, I could also make eye contact with the singers on stage! Now I know how the other half lives.

Wagner's magnificent Tannhauser created quite a spectacle early on because of the explicit eroticism of the Bacchanale sequence in the goddess Venus' domain. My God, they found some absolutely beautiful young dancers to strip naked and writhe around stage humping each other. It was glorious: boys humping girls, boys humping boys, girls going down on one another, simulated blow jobs, groping, kissing, nuzzling, and oh yeah, more humping! It was quite graphic and extremely erotic. Talk about schwing!





After that opening scene, the real drama began and I really enjoyed hearing the music and seeing this spectacular production on stage. Some people love Wagner, others hate him. I don't know his work well enough to form a complete opinion, but so far I love him. The colors he created musically and the never-ending melodies full of chromatic harmonies...Wagner truly defined the Romantic period.

I sat next to a charming older woman who engaged me in conversation during the intermissions (there were two -- it's a long-ass opera!). She reminded me a bit of Carol Channing, just because of the sound of her voice and some of her mannerisms. She also resembled Channing a bit, except with dark hair. Perhaps they go to the same plastic surgeon? I don't know how old this woman was; she looked quite good facially, but her wrinkled and spotted hands spoiled the illusion. Nevertheless, it was a pleasure to enjoy the music with someone who apparently frequents LA Opera -- she's seen dozens if not hundreds of performances there -- and we shared similar opinions on the performance of Tannhauser.

If you're a Wagner fan, you must check out this production; and if you're new to opera or just want to test the waters, I also recommend this production. The story is much easier to understand than some other operas, and the music is majestic and memorable. It also helps to attend the pre-concert lecture by our excellent new maestro, James Conlon. He's like our resident Leonard Bernstein, a man dedicated to educating the public and sharing this great cultural heritage with the world.

I can't wait till the next performance!

My Oscar Picks

For the 79th Annual Academy Awards, I predict the following winners in the major categories. These are my guesses for how the Academy will choose, not my personal choices because I haven't seen all the films nominated. It is surprising to see that no film swept the nominations. It's going to be a very mixed night.

Actor - Leading: Forest Whitaker (though I hope Peter O'Toole wins)
Actor - Supporting: Eddie Murphy (I love Eddie, but I'd love to see Alan Arkin get it, too)
Actress - Leading: Helen Mirren
Actress - Supporting: Jennifer Hudson
Animated Feature: Cars
Directing: Martin Scorsese
Documentary Feature: An Inconvenient Truth
Foreign Language Film: Pan's Labyrinth
Original Score: Pan's Labyrinth
Original Song: "Listen", Dreamgirls
Best Picture: The Departed (I'd pick Babel)

Good luck, players!

*Incidentally, in the picture above is the Oscar won for Sound by The Alamo (John Wayne's version). I could tell you where I took that photo, but then I'd have to kill you.

Oscar Sunday 2007

OK, here we go again. I can tell you this year I'm pretty much over the Oscars, at least the whole behind-the-scenes production of the television ceremony. There's obviously a tremendous amount of money to be made from it; otherwise, the Academy wouldn't go to so much trouble.

Actually, it's those of us who live and work in the Hollywood community who go through all the trouble. You can imagine how inconvenient it would be to have a major traffic artery closed for a week, but how about every street within a square mile? This picture shows the extent of the street closures today.

The Hollywood & Highland complex is a huge retail/restaurant/entertainment complex (including the Kodak Theater) which encompasses two full city blocks. I live about two miles southwest of this place. Today I avoided dealing with traffic and lack of parking and took the bus as far north as I could get (Sunset) and walked the rest of the way into the seige.

I wish I had taken photos of the police barricades blocking the streets for blocks and blocks. It looked like a preparation for war. There were cop cars and parking enforcement vehicles everywhere and the last few civilian cars quickly got towed away. Helicopters buzzed overhead. Police officers and security personnel were everywhere. It was more security than President Fuckhead gets when he's in town, I can tell you that! Now I know that security was somewhat heightened because of Al Gore's presence. Hell, half of Hollywood is hoping he'll jump back in the ring for 2008.

Finally I made it to the tour office only to realize I hadn't brought my store keys -- attached to the car key, and no need for that today -- and the store was locked. No worries; the boss left a note taped to the door that they were walking the tour route one last time to double check and would be back presently.

The other three guides arrived and we stared in wonder and disdain at the crazy scene on Hollywood Boulevard. A guy dressed like The Rocketeer held an American flag over his head. Now, we're used to seeing people in costume on Hollywood Boulevard. We call them "the characters" and they all earn tips by posing for photos with tourists. That Rocketeer guy is not one of the regulars -- none of us had ever seen him before!

Luckily our tourists arrived on time at the rendezvous down on Sunset. We pulled the three coaches into the In 'n' Out Burger parking lot by Hollywood High School. The 100 or so tour participants piled out of the buses and we made our way back up the hill into the fray. Actually, things were pretty quiet that early. It was pretty quiet inside the secure zone (we passed through security twice along the route).

The tour went OK and even though we couldn't see much of anything, the tour guests had a great time and got into the festive spirit of the occasion. Afterwards, I made my way out through the gathering throngs of people lining up hours early, hoping to get a glimpse of their favorite celebrities arriving at the red carpet.

At home, I enjoyed viewing the show on television -- definitely the best view available -- and I guessed 14 out of 24 awards correctly.

W. E. DeSpain

Heard some sad news yesterday that my favorite Uncle Gene died in a car accident near his home. Apparently a big truck broadsided his car and killed him instantly. He was 80 years old.

Gene DeSpain was the nicest man I ever met, and he became a huge influence on me in my formative years. My sister and I used to visit my Aunt Sandy and Uncle Gene for a week every summer when we were kids. We'd fly down from Denver to San Antonio, where they lived. They had a beautiful house which was palatial compared to my family's home, and I remember vividly the summer when they installed the swimming pool in the back yard. It was like heaven!

Besides hanging at the pool, we always took a drive to my Uncle's ranch outside of the city. He had over 200 acres of land with open fields, big trees, and several ponds called "tanks." My Sis and I rode horses, hunted snakes, and generally enjoyed the hell out of ourselves. I can still hear Uncle Gene shouting "Rocky!" to call in his favorite horse when we arrived at the ranch house. He even gave my sister her very own horse named Burt. My favorite summer trip may have been the year we took the boat down to the coast at Port Arthur and Corpus Christi. Piloting that boat and fishing in the Gulf of Mexico was a great time for me.

Uncle Gene was very intelligent and well-mannered and he became a powerful role model to me. He rarely watched television, but constantly read books and magazines about history, business, and golf. He stayed fit mentally and physically. He taught me how to drive a car, how to hit a golf ball (he was an avid golfer with a 2 handicap), how to enjoy a cold beer on a hot day or a glass of wine with dinner, and how to treat a lady with the proper respect. My Dad taught me how to be a man, but Uncle Gene taught me how to be a gentleman.

Uncle Gene knew everyone of importance in San Antonio. People recognized and greeted him everywhere we went. He had many friends and business aquaintances, and every maitre d' in town said, "Welcome, Mr. DeSpain!" when we went out to dinner. I'll never forget one hot day we went for lunch at a local cafe and happened to run into some aquaintances at the restaurant. After exchanging pleasantries, we sat down and Uncle Gene cringed in embarrassment for being spotted in public wearing short pants! He was very reserved that way.

Uncle Gene was the Vice President of the Holt corporation, the largest dealer of Caterpillar construction equipment in the United States. We got to visit the plant one time and see the big tractors in action. I was too young to drive one, but my cousins Tim and Tracie climbed aboard to handle the huge machines. Typical of his generation, but very rare in mine, Uncle Gene started at Holt as a young man and worked his way up the corporate ladder all the way to the vice presidency. He retired after 40 years of service, for which the company gave him a 40-foot Winnebago as a retirement gift. My aunt and uncle traveled all over the country in that RV (affectionately dubbed "The SanGee"). They loved to visit family and go on golfing trips.

Because of his connections in the construction industry, Uncle Gene knew a lot about the buildings and developers of downtown San Antonio. I'll never forget the time we took a horse-drawn carriage tour of downtown and the tour guide apparently told us some wrong information about a particular building and its developer. Uncle Gene politely corrected the young man, explaining "I know the man who built that building; he's a customer of mine."

I hate to think I'll never see him again, nor hear his funny way of speaking. Every time we met, he'd say the same thing: "Scotty, you're too thin!" And he always referred to my Aunt Sandy as "Sugar." He was generous to a fault and had little patience for fools. We all idolized him for taking care of my aunt after her unhappy first marriage and divorce. Years later, after my Mom divorced, she always said, "I hope I can find me an 'Uncle Gene' someday." We should all be so lucky.

A Night at the Opera in Mahagonny

The Los Angeles Opera's production of Kurt Weill's Rise and Fall of the City of Mahagonny is so much fun, it makes you sick. This 1930 German Expressionist theater piece, banned by the Nazis, tells the story of a group of depraved outlaws who end up stranded in the desert and decide to create their own sin city named Mahagonny (pronounced Ma-ha-GO-nee, if you weren't sure). They even put up their own "Welcome to Fabulous Mahagonny" sign, an exact replica of the famous entrance to Las Vegas.

The group succeeds in luring gold-rich miners from Alaska into staying in Mahagonny and spending their money on women, booze, glutony, and boxing to the death. It's all fun and games until everybody runs out of money. Then the town falls into utter misery, execution style. In Mahagonny, the worst crime possible is to not have any cash on hand: "In the whole human race there is no greater criminal than a man without money."

The big treat were the stars of the show: Audra McDonald and Patti LuPone, both legendary aritsts in the world of musical theater. Audra McDonald became the first person to earn three Tony awards before age 30, plus she earned a fourth for 2004's A Raisin in the Sun. Patti LuPone won a Tony for Evita and has been honored many times for her work on stage and screen, including the recent hit production of Sweeney Todd on Broadway. Both performers make their LA Opera debuts with this production at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion.

Audra McDonald shatters her wholesome Broadway image with her saucy turn as Jenny Smith, the hottest and most expensive piece of ass in town. Ms. McDonald not only possesses the best voice of her generation, she burns up the stage in her sexy bordello bodice and six-inch high heels. Every note from her was pure gold and I wanted to hear her sing more songs than her part allows -- and she's the lead!

I felt chills every time Patti LuPone sang a note. Her distinctive tone is etched in my brain from her performances in Evita and Anything Goes and every other incredible thing she's done. I would have killed to see her in Sweeney Todd. Having conquered Broadway for decades, she recently started singing in opera companies. Her voice has matured so nicely, a perfect balance of Broadway brass with the rich warmth of a legitimate contralto, particularly on the high notes that she would have belted out in the past. Ms. LuPone skillfully inhabits her character, Leocadia Begbick the wicked bordello madame, with greedy surliness. She sounded amazing and did some kick-ass singing in her solos and in harmony with the other artists. She really held her own against the other opera singers.

All the singers were outstanding, especially the excellent tenor (Anthony Dean Griffey), the doomed hero who falls (and pays) for Jenny Smith. Jenny faithfully pleasures him until he runs out of money and then not even his Alaska miner buddies will loan him a dime. All the supporting roles and even the chorus were great. The chorus played a huge part in the show and they all sang very clearly together with perfect diction. The opera company plays Super-titles with the libretto above the stage, but you barely needed them because the elocution was so good.

I was lucky to get a rush ticket for $20 cash and the man at the box office gave me a great seat in the orchestra right section. It was my first time on the floor at the Chandler and damn it's worth the hundreds of dollars most people pay per ticket. I can only imagine what the Founders Circle just above the orchestra would be like. Actually, I got to sit up there once when I took a tour of the theater with a student group. It was really fun to see how the truly wealthy class live, even though there wasn't a performance on stage at the time.

This is not an easy show to endure. The music is demanding and suprising hummable despite some very challenging tonalities. I don't know how those singers held on to the vocal melodies with the orchestral "chaos" happening underneath them, under maestro James Conlon's expert conducting. Mr. Griffey in particular picked some unaccompanied notes right out the air and stayed in tune every time. It was quite impressive.

The most famous song from the show is the Alabama Song, famously revived by Jim Morrison and The Doors, and later covered by David Bowie. I was surprised to hear the song so early in the show - it's the second number - and to hear it sung by Jenny Smith and her troupe of vagabond prostitutes. "Oh show us the way, to the next whiskey bar/Oh don't ask why, no don't ask why."

Despite the outstanding performances and the innovatively sparse staging, the audience didn't stand for the curtain call. We cheered for the singers and we appreciated their efforts, but I think we were too exhausted and depressed to rise from our seats. The cynical themes of the show, raucously tongue-in-cheek in Act One, pummeled us into darkness and despair by the end of Act Two. As the people of Mahagonny declared after the hero's execution, "Nothing will help him or us or you now."

Iran next target in Bush's War on Terror

Here we go again. It's been rumbling around in the blogosphere and in certain areas of the media lately that the Bush administration is gearing up for the next phase in the War on Terror. Target: Iran.

So far the rhetoric regarding Iran has focused on their dangerous nuclear ambitions, but now Iran is being blamed for supplying weapons to the Iraq insurgency. Bush admitted so today. It was reported yesterday that the radical Shia cleric Moqtada al-Sadr has fled Iraq for Iran in anticipation of Bush's controversial troop "surge" -- it's a much nicer word than "escalation," isn't it?

By the way, if you haven't figured out yet that the U.S. news media is owned by a few major corporations that earn tremendous profits from the war and therefore can't be trusted to fully expose government corruption, pull your head out of the sand and get informed. When I want to know what's really going on in the world, I visit overseas news agencies such as The Guardian or BBC News, among others. Thank God for the Internet!

Here's a very interesting article published in The Guardian (a liberal British newspaper) which reports that the U.S. military is already building up forces in the Persian Gulf in anticipation of an air strike on Iran:

"The present military build-up in the Gulf would allow the US to mount an attack by the spring. But the sources said that if there was an attack, it was more likely next year, just before Mr Bush leaves office."

According to the article, both Cheney and the Neo-cons are urging Bush to start another offensive in the war, but the State Department and the Pentagon are against it. That's probably because we have no way to justify another attack or invasion, nor can we afford any further escalation. In fact, we can't afford the current wars. The Bush junta will end up bankrupting this country if left to their own devices. They publicly deny any intentions for attack, yet the military build-up progresses, just as it did before we invaded Iraq.

Didn't we just leave this party?

Chewbacca Attacks Tour Guide

You know it's hard out here for a pimp, and for a tour guide. Luckily this wasn't me or anyone with my company, but everybody on Hollywood Boulevard knows you don't piss off Chewbacca.

Leave Kurt Vonnegut Alone

Kurt Vonnegut's hometown - Indianapolis, Indiana - is sponsoring a year of reading the author's work. But I think the 84-year-old just wants to be left alone:

“I’ve said everything I have to say and I’m completely in print,” he said. “Look, I’m old. Joe Namath isn’t passing footballs in the crowds anymore. You ought to see what Mozart looks like by now. I’m old, for God’s sake — I’m terribly tired.”

How to Hang Someone?

I've had so many people ask me that question before. Now at last, here is the answer!

Horny Amish Guy

Met the strangest man on Hollywood Boulevard today. He claimed to be an Amish from Michigan. He certainly looked the part, with plain black clothes, a big black hat, and a long grey beard with no moustache. I'd put him in his mid-to-late-60s.

It was odd enough to see an Amish person walking the Boulevard (we certainly see plenty of crazies around here) but I was not expecting him to ask me so many questions about sex! Turns out he was hoping to see some real life prostitutes in Hollywood. He already knew that the girls work on Sunset Blvd and the boys work on Santa Monica Blvd.

Then he started asking more personal questions about sexual practices and positions, especially sex between men. "Is it true that usually one of the men takes the feminine role during sex?" he asked. "I never screwed another woman besides my wife, so this is all new to me." I was trying to be polite and helpful to the old guy, but he started creeping me out. He told me he had trouble maintaining an erection and had tried using a penis pump but it hurt too bad. He also began asking questions about my sex life! Finally, we got busy with other customers in the store so he left.

The next day one of my co-workers called to tell me that Horny Amish Guy came back looking for me: "Where's the guy who answered all my questions?" Luckily I was off that day, so he tried to get information from my colleagues, but they were less forthcoming. Mr. Amish wanted to know the location of the homeless youth hostels in Hollywood. What a perve, eh?!

Whoops: A Poopy!

File this post under "Too Much Information."

Have you ever had the experience where you feel like you're going to fart and then more than air comes out of your ass? Well that happened to me today.

I was working in Hollywood about to start a tour when I felt a little fart starting to sneak out of my bum. Well, turns out it was a juicy one with a little heft to it. I wasn't really sure what had happened and with my customers standing right in front of me waiting to begin the tour, there wasn't much I could do about it at the time.

Unfortunately it was several hours later before I could excuse myself to the men's room. I'll be damned if I hadn't soiled my underpants! It was just a little bit of poo, but enough to cake my underside and leave the crotch of my underwear crusty. I warned you this was TMI!!

I felt like such an idiot -- an infant! Guess I better start wearing Depends undergarments for adults. I know I'm getting older but this is ridiculous. At this rate, I'll be in a nursing home by the time I'm 40. Oy gevalt!

Saddam Hussein R.I.P.

Dear Saddam,

How I miss you already!

Here's a cute and informative video depicting Saddam's first contact with the CIA back in the '50s (!) and his subsequent rise to power.

Thanks for the memories!

James Brown Dead at 73

"To this day, there has been no one near as funky" -- Rapper Chuck D of Public Enemy

Gordon DeBroder

I lost a dear friend this week. Dr. Gordon DeBroder was my music teacher and voice coach after high school and during college. He became a close family friend until his death on Monday after a long illness.

Gordon was a real character. I've never met anyone quite like him. He was vastly intelligent, extremely well educated (he held Master's degrees in Music and Psychology, and a PhD in Mathematics), was wickedly funny, and generous to a fault. Gordon must have given thousands of dollars over the years to friends in need. He was extremely kind-hearted.

I learned so much from Gordon, not only about music but about life as well. He was quite a mentor to me at a time when my family was breaking up and I really needed some guidance. I could always depend on Gordon for a sympathetic ear and a warm meal. We drank a few gallons of wine over the years as well!

Gordon DeBroder had friends and colleagues all over the world. Although he ran a humble piano and voice studio from his home, he was a world-class pianist who counted the great Van Cliburn among his closest associates. Gordon was always proud to receive a gift basket from Mr. Cliburn every Christmas.


Dr. DeBroder and his friend Van Cliburn

A teacher for many years, Gordon ran into to friends and former students in the oddest places. He told me many stories of traveling in Europe when he would be getting out of an elevator and suddenly an old student happened to be standing right in front of him. No matter where he went, somebody always knew him.

He also taught generations of families. It was not unusual for his younger students to grow up, start families, and have their children also take lessons from Gordon.

Gordon was a devout Christian and was deeply involved in his church. He often taught his music students on "scholarship" if they would sing in his church choir. I was one of those "scholarship" students and he never charged me a dime for all the lessons he gave me. It broke his heart when his church took away his work as Music Minister after 40 years of service. They wanted someone younger to fill his shoes. Good luck with that, you morons!

Goodbye, Gordon. Everyone who ever knew you, loved you. You will always be missed, but never forgotten.

Denver Post Obituary